life will be better in spring

If anyone can ever see and feel the pain I'm holding within me, they will let me go, let me die. Gladly push me towards death's embrace even. If only. Death may not be the solution but did I even say I'm trying to find one? They don't know. Those who chide me and attribute this to a moment of folly. They don't understand. Or maybe i don't. They say I'm blinded by my own self delusioned sorrow. I know; I understand what they are trying to get at. But did they see me struggling, i have been trying my fucking best to break free of all these negativity. I REALLY AM. They say I'm not trying hard enough then. But do you know, the harder i try, the deeper i sink into it. It's like a web, the harder I struggle, the tighter it reins me in.

 I’m not suicidal, or clinically depressed, I just go into these fits sometimes(Actually, all the time) and I need this release.