life will be better in spring

She said she will never forget this day. But what went wrong? Why is it that she can only see the things I have not done or done wrong, and not the effort I have put in and the things I tried to improve on? Each time she sends the entire house into another world war, I would go through yet again another emotion whirlpool. Fear, anger, pain, despair. And all that is left would be hopeless crying. I'm sorry, I can't be the perfect daughter. I'm sure you understand too. I'm sure you go through sleepless nights like me, thinking why did things turn out this way, wishing you could have done better as a mother, wishing that we could understand you and not blame you for whatever we are lacking of. So, why can't you understand me too? Each time you rage, I'll tell myself that you do understand me, you do know what I'm going through, you do love me, and everything you do to me, be it showering the rare affection or inflicting pain, is just your way of expressing your love. But you know, it's really hard to hold on.

What if I really made this day memorable for you? I really have the overwhelming desire to do it. Just close my eyes, take a leap of faith, and embrace Mother Freedom and Father Death. Yes, I've always thought that death and freedom comes together. And then, this day would really be unforgettable for you.